The Healing Power of Love


02/06/2011 - The Truth About You



This week I got a letter from my good friend Greg Porter. Many of you know Greg, he's taught here at Valley View often and has a ministry in the Phoenixville area called the Daniel Foundation. Greg spends a lot of his time in restaurants meeting with men, one on one, listening to them and trying to help them with their faith journeys.

In his letter he talks about a recent breakfast meeting that he had with a man named Brad. Brad is not his real name, but his story is real and represents so many of the men that Greg meets with. And this is what he says ...

"I know Brad pretty well. He contacts me once every couple of years when his addiction compounds rather than remedies the pain he seeks to relieve. My heart goes out to Brad. He's growing desperate. Brad has been a faithful friend to me over the years, helping me in a variety of ways.

"Back to breakfast: I explain to Brad, after almost every one of his episodes, that he's attempting to ease a deeply rooted pain through an understandable, but deadly, remedy. In short, Brad is turning to someone or something other than God to find a degree of serenity. It's called idolatry. And it's something that all of us participate in to one degree or another.

"I think idols are so compelling because they promise, and then provide, immediate and tangible relief. But Christ seems to operate quite differently. He rarely, if ever provides immediate relief for me. That's why I tell people that faith is frightening. Make no mistake about it. It's scary to do nothing immediate about your fear and your pain ... except pray and surrender. Faith is not for the faint of heart.

"It's easier to do something! Strategize! Acquire! Engineer! Save yourself! No wonder idols are so popular. The problem with idols, however, is that they're fickle. Their relief is temporary and their power is fleeting. In the end, they compound the pain we thought they'd remedy. It's kind of like an emotional version of bait and switch.

"I have found Jesus to operate quite differently. The relief he provides is usually not immediate or tangible in nature. However, it has a longevity and a depth and an intensity that is unparalleled in my experience. Idols show up immediately, but leave. Christ, by contrast, shows up imperceptibly, but stays."

This morning we continue our series called The Healing Power of Love with a teaching I've called "The Truth About You." And throughout this series we've been talking about how to deal with emotional and relational pain, the wounds and the scars from our past. And we've said that we all have a choice to make. We can either go the broad way or the narrow way. We can either go Brad's way and start serving an idol whether it be drugs or alcohol or food or sex or shopping or work or exercise or anything that provides some measure of immediate, tangible relief. Anything can be turned into an idol. Or we can go the narrow way, the Jesus way, the way faith.

Eventually the relief that Brad finds in his addiction fades and leaves him worse off than before because that's what idols do. They show up immediately, but leave.

The Jesus way, the way of faith, as Greg says is not for the faint of heart. Jesus shows up imperceptibly, but stays. And the relief that he gives is unparalleled in longevity and depth and intensity.

So we've looked at how to best handle the pain from our past and we said the church was meant to be a hospital. We want to help each other get healthy. We want to be a community of love and grace and mercy where healing can take place.

And so we talked about the power of confession and the importance of bringing our hurts out of darkness and into the light where healing can take place. It starts with confession.

The first step of the Twelve Step program that has helped so many people over the years is a step of confession. "We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction and that our lives had become unmanageable." The fifth step is also a step of confession. "We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs."

Confession is a powerful part of the healing process. And then we talked about the freedom of forgiveness and how forgiveness has the power not only to set our enemies free, but to set us free from the anger and the bitterness and the hurt that can keep us imprisoned and destroy our lives.

And then we talked about the reward of reconciliation. It takes one to forgive, but it takes two to reconcile. And so that may not always be possible. But as followers of Jesus we are called to be peacemakers. And so as much as it depends on us we are to live at peace with everyone. We're the ones who extend the olive branch and seek to make peace in all our relationships.

That's the narrow way. That's the way of Jesus. That makes our yoke easy and our burden light. And when we practice these things Jesus shows up imperceptibly, but he stays. And the relief that he gives is unparalleled in longevity and depth and intensity.

So in the first half of this series we talked about what it takes to live at peace with others and overcome the pain of our past. And now over the last few weeks we've been talking about what it means to live at peace with ourselves because that's just as important. It's important in our relationships that we have an accurate view of who we are because Jesus said I want you to love your neighbor as yourself. But that's difficult if we have a warped, distorted view of self.

That's hard if we grew up in a home with curved mirrors,if the most significant people in your life took ever mirror in the house where you grew up and curved them in a certain way so that you only ever saw distorted images of yourself. Images like you're ugly and you're dumb and you're no good and you don't belong here and you'll never amount to anything. After a while, that's what you'd believe about yourself. That's who you are and it would take some pretty strong voices to change that view.

And if you grew up in that kind of a home, and many people have, is it possible to change that image of yourself? I think it is. But it's not going to change as long as we're looking into those same old curved mirrors. It's only going to change when we look into a straight mirror, an accurate mirror because we need an accurate view of who we are. And as followers of Jesus Christ we can gain that accurate perspective by looking into the mirror of God's Word, the Scriptures. It's in that mirror that you'll find the truth about you.

In the Scriptures we discover that we belong. We count. We can. Those three feelings of belongingness, worthiness, and competence are what make up our sense of self. They are the three legs of a tripod that support and stabilize our self-concept and God addresses each one of them.

We belong. We're somebody to God the Father because he's accepted us into his family as one of his own children. Last week, we looked at 1 John 3 and the love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God and that is what we are!

This week let's try on Romans 8:14-16,For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. 15The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather the Spirit you receive brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." 16The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.

Paul is writing this letter to the church in Rome and so he makes this staggering contrast between a common slave who had no rights and no future and a fully adopted son who would one day receive everything in the family inheritance. He'd be rich one day. And that is who we are in Christ, people with a rich future!

Romans 8:17, Now if we are children, then we are heirs - heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

This life is hard and there's suffering and difficulty along the way and some is linked directly to our relationship with Jesus Christ. This week I was talking to a man in our church community who said that when he became a follower of Jesus, he was ostracized from his family. He was considered dead by the people he loved the most. There's a price to pay at times. We live in a world full of pain and suffering. But one day that will all turn into glory. We're in the family and we have a lot to look forward to. In Christ we belong. That's the truth about you.

In his bookThe Sensation of Being Somebody, Maurice Wagner talks about how we can grow in our sense of belongingness. He suggests that we enlarge our capacity for belongingness when we forgive those who hurt us. In other words, forgiveness makes us more secure in who we are.

"Being forgiving," he says, "revitalizes our sense of being somebody to God, it lessens our fear of people, and it enlarges our capacity for belongingness. When God forgives us he expects us to change and become forgiving of others."

Forgiving others is a family value and so it's no surprise that when we offer forgiveness to others it strengthens our own sense that we belong to God's family. It makes us more like our heavenly Dad. On the other hand when we withhold forgiveness and choose the broad way instead of the narrow way, the Jesus way, we feel less secure in who we are. Forgiveness is big.

In Christ we belong. In Christ we count. We're somebody to God the Son because he died for us personally. Last week we looked at Romans 5 and saw that while we were still sinners Christ died for us. He died for us because we matter. We're important to him. We have value and worth. We are redeemable.

This week look at how John puts it 1 John 3:16,This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for one another.

That's why we come to the Lord's Table today, to be reminded of how much God loves us and how much we're valued by him. You may have grown up in a home where you didn't feel like you belonged or where you didn't feel like you were worth much. But in God's family you belong and you're worth enough for Jesus to die for your sin, in your place because he wants you in his family and in his kingdom to live with you forever. That's the truth about you.

Wagner talks about how we can grow in our sense of worth and value. He suggests that we enlarge our capacity for worthiness by being generous to others which is exactly where the apostle John takes us. After John says Jesus laid down his life for us he tells us to lay down our lives for one another. That's generosity!

He continues in1 John 3:17-18, If any one of you has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in you? 18Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

Wagner writes, "When we're generous we have ceased loving things and have restored our respect for others. When we give to others we elevate them to the dignity of being persons with feelings like our own. That's one reason the Lord said. 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'" Do you want to become a more secure person? Do you want to grow in your own sense of worth and value? Then move from being a taker to being a giver.

In Christ we belong. In Christ we count. In Christ we can. We're somebody to God the Holy Spirit because he's with us and he's in us and he empowers us to handle the day to day struggles of life. Last week we looked at 2 Timothy 1 where Paul writes that God has not given us a Spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of self-discipline.

This week look at Romans 8:26-27, In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God's people in accordance with the will of God.

The Spirit was given to help us live the life that God intends us to live. We can't do it on our own. But we haven't been left to do it on our own. We have the Holy Spirit who enables us to forgive others the way God has forgiven us. We have the Holy Spirit who enables us to lay down our lives for others the way Jesus laid down his life for us ten minutes at a time. We have the Holy Spirit who helps us in our weakness. We can face the challenges of life with God's help. That's the truth about you.

Once again Wagner has some thoughts on how we can strengthen our sense of competence. He says we enhance our capacity for competence by honoring others. "Holding grudges strangles our sense of belongingness. Being stingy inhibits our sense of worthiness. And being critical of others limits our sense of competence. When we're critical of others we're projecting our own sense of inferiority on to them, telling them to change instead of dealing with our own sense of deficiency.

"Appropriate constructive criticism usually offers a solution to the problem it points out. Destructive criticism never concerns itself with a solution, but leaves the person under attack feeling bad, inferior, like a nobody.

"Respect another person's conscience by not being critical or judgmental. Respect another person's will when they don't accept our attempt at telling them what we believe is right or best for them. Respect another person's feelings whatever they are."

What do you see when you look in the mirror? Do you see a person that God loves? Do you see a person that Jesus died for? Do you see a person that the Holy Spirit prays for and empowers? That's the truth about who we are in Christ.

And looking into that mirror can be a transforming experience for all of us. God intends it to be. In his book David Seamands tells the story about a woman named Shirley. Shirley was 25 years old when she came to him for counseling. She was having marital problems and experiencing a lot of tension at work and no matter how much she prayed and read her Bible and went to church she was just not happy with her relationship with God. Things weren't getting any better.

And as they went through the counseling process Shirley opened up about the curved mirrors that she grew up with. She had two parents who loved her very much, but they were always making comparisons and setting conditions saying things like, "Shirley, you're so nice when ... or Shirley, I hope you'll never be like Sally down the road ... or That's fine, Shirley, but ... or We love you, Shirley, when ... if ... but." So many conditions.

During adolescence when she was having a hard time accepting her appearance, her well meaning Dad would say, "You know, Shirley, you just need to accept yourself the way you are. You can't make a peach out of a potato." He thought he was helping her, but instead she grew up with a potato view of her self, thinking she was ugly and unattractive, like something that grew out of the ground.

And that potato image affected everything in her life. She seemed to take everything that was said to her the wrong way and filtered it through that potato grid. She wondered why a loving God would make her a potato. The hurt she suffered from words like that went deep.

But during their counseling sessions Seamands took her to the mirror of God's Word to show her that she wasn't a potato at all. She was God's peach. God loved her and accepted her unconditionally, just the way she was. She was the apple of God's eye or in her case, she was the peach.

He writes, "And Shirley responded to the grace of God is such a marvelous way. When she discovered she was a daughter of God, she let love and grace pour in and wash away all those potato feelings and images. It was one of the most remarkable changes I have ever seen. Her very appearance changed. As Shirley began caring for herself, she started to look more attractive. But better still, she became an attractive person and began to relate better to people.

"Years later when I was a guest speaker in another state, Shirley came up to me after the session was over, holding her precious new baby. I looked at that little girl and said, "Shirley, no potato ever produced that." She looked at me with a big smile and laughingly said, "Pretty peachy, huh?"

That's the transforming power that comes from looking into God's mirror and discovering the real truth about you. We belong. We count. We can.


Questions of the Week

  • How does knowing that we belong contribute to a healthy self-image? What effect should knowing that we have been adopted into God's family have on our sense of self? How does forgiveness play a role in this sense of belonging?
  • What are some ways that the Christian faith affirms that we count? How does this shape our view of God? Our view of others?
  • What role does the Spirit play in empowering us to succeed in life's struggles? Why do you think understanding this is important to a healthy view of self?
  • Do you think that in our community we treat people more like potatoes or peaches? How can we help those in our community to feel more peachy?