More Ready Than You Realize


09/04/2005 - Lessons Learned Along the Way



This morning we continue our series called More Ready Than You Realize with a look at some of the lessons we've learned along the way. In fact, that's the title of this teaching "Lessons Learned Along the Way." Today I'd like to talk about four of those lessons and then next week Tim will conclude the series by discussing four more lessons learned along the way.

But before we do I want to thank you for your feedback this summer. I can tell this has been a provocative series for us at Valley View because of the comments and emails I've received, which have mostly been positive, but not completely. I know some of you prefer teaching that takes us through books of the Bible and we just finished nine months working our way through the book of Revelation and we'll continue to do book studies from time to time.

But there are other ways to encounter biblical truth as well. Often we do topical series here at Valley View that I feel we need as a church. Last summer we did a series called The Reality Series where we talked very openly about how the Bible addresses divorce and remarriage, doubt and discouragement, money, sex and power. One of the things I love about Valley View is that we can talk frankly and lovingly about sensitive, emotionally charged issues.

And then from time to time a book comes along that really upholds one of our core values. And we take a book like we've done this summer with More Ready Than You Realize and allow it to help us better understand a value like the value of outreach in a fresh, new way. Last year, we used John Ortberg's excellent book Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them to help us better understand the value of community. So I want you to see that there are a variety of ways that we can encounter God's truth always with the goal of making us better lovers of God, better lovers of each other, and better lovers of those outside the Valley View community.

One of the encouraging emails that I received this summer that I think a lot of us can relate to goes like this, "I just wanted to tell you that the Lord spoke to me through your teaching last Sunday ... Evangelism has always been a tough subject for people in our age group (those in their 20's and 30's) and most of us give up trying since it gets weird with friends and family who are not Christians. A lot of times we sense we're missing the big picture when we try so hard to 'slip in' a mention of God in order to witness to people."

"But everyone understands love and everyone feels community. These transcend all cultural, ideological, and geographic boundaries. In practice, evangelism is not about just saying things to others, but mostly about doing things for others and being there for them when they are in trouble."

"My running buddy who is not a Christian, but in fact is anti-Christian in many ways, said to me during a recent run. 'Jesus preached a religion that helps the poor and looks after those in need. So why are Christians so tied into these right-wing moral issues like abortion and gay marriage?' To which I really didn't have any defense. That conversation got me thinking! The teaching on Sunday got me thinking more!"

When we enter into spiritual friendships we're going to encounter questions like that. Hard questions that often reveal people's negative view of the Christian faith, questions that get us thinking.

Another person wrote, "I had lunch with my former boss yesterday and we had a great talk about spiritual things. I had worked for him for six years and had never been able to go there with him. I've always been afraid of talking to him about spiritual things because he's so smart, wealthy, powerful in our company and hostile towards any type of religious talk. It was so freeing to finally be able to talk with him about spiritual things without worrying about having all the right 'answers' or closing the deal. This series we are going through is really freeing!"

Another one of you wrote, "I have a Muslim customer and he and I have been sharing openly over the past two years about our faiths and he feels very comfortable talking with me about various things and seems to trust me ... I see God working in him, but it's taking time. He had a bad view towards Christians from his youth and from his culture. But he said his old boss was the first Christian he had met who was genuine and different, whose actions were what he believed. He has only met two other people like this man and one of them, he said, was me. So he's watching and studying carefully and periodically will ask me a question. As the book says, I don't argue, I don't push. I simply answer when asked and ask him if I have a question. I think he feels safe. I hope he does."

Wow! Those are spiritual friendships happening right within the community of Valley View and there are tons more just like them. And hopefully we'll get better at those kinds of friendships, we'll get better at loving people the way God loves people, and maybe some of us will one day hear our friends say, "I believe! I believe!" like Emilie said to Jennifer over the phone. Or "I have faith! It's here! I'm not kidding!" as Alice emailed Brian McLaren.

It took two years for Alice to get to that point and reflecting on their spiritual friendship McLaren closes his book with eight factors to consider about spiritual friendships. He's careful to say that these factors are not to be construed as some fail safe method or formula or the "eight easy steps" to evangelism. Instead, they're just his reflections on what God used to bring Alice to faith in Jesus Christ.

The first he calls the relational factor. It all starts with a relationship. If we're to engage in spiritual friendships we need to make time for relationships with people outside of the church community. And for some of us that can be the biggest challenge of all. A busy pastor like McLaren made time to dialogue with Alice.

About this he writes, "Some of us Christians 'don't get out much' ... But if you are willing to get out, reach out, relate to and willing to be a neighbor, a friend, a decent human being, then you are more ready than you realize ... You don't start by being religious. You start by being human, relational, neighborly, friendly ... you may have to trim back your church activities. Instead of yet another Bible study you might start coaching basketball, or take an art class, or volunteer at a retirement community, or tutor at a neighborhood school just to get out a bit. And in the process you will meet some people and you will ask some questions, conversations will begin, and a relationship will develop. Don't worry about the content of the conversations. Just get them going and see what happens."

Of course, Jesus is our model for this. He spent so much time hanging out with irreligious, unchurched people that he was accused of being a "friend of sinners." But that was fine with him.

From the start it's been our goal at Valley View not to keep you busy with church meetings or church activities. And that is by design. We'd much rather have you engaged in meaningful community with a few others and in developing a few spiritual friendships with those outside the community than running around to church meetings, programs and activities, because you cannot do both. Personally, I've had my fill of churches that are like that, churches that do a good job keeping their people busy and occupied and out of trouble and frankly, exhausted, with little meaningful community and virtually no spiritual friends. That's not the target on the wall for Valley View. In fact, that's what we as leaders work hard to protect the church from becoming.

Those of us raising kids often find ourselves at ball fields and at practices and at rehearsals and in all kinds of environments where spiritual friendships can begin. Our kids take us to those places. And those of us who are single or without kids often find ourselves at work or at school or at the mall or at the gym hanging with people who could become spiritual friends. We all need to realize that those times are just as sacred and are just as vital in our walk with God as the time we spend here on Sunday morning or during the week meeting with a smaller group of people for a Bible study.

McLaren likes to say, "We need to count conversations, not conversions. Not because we don't believe in conversions, but because we won't get many of them if we keep emphasizing them."

The second factor is the narrative factor. Narrative means the story factor, their story, your story, and God's story. Building spiritual friendships begins with listening, listening to people's stories. Everybody has a story. You have a story and I have a story. We are all stories in progress. And listening to people's stories is often how spiritual friendships are birthed.

Jesus loved to listen to people. He was a master at asking questions that opened up people's hearts to him. Surveys of new believers repeatedly show that what often meant the most to them about the person who led them to Christ was the fact that they listened to them. It wasn't so much what they said, it was that they listened. As someone has said, "Talking is sharing, but listening is caring."

Genuine, sincere listening is one of the greatest acts of love that we can offer a person, whether it's listening to a friend, to an acquaintance, to a spouse, to our children, to a co-worker or a classmate telling us their problems. Listening to stories is one of the best ways that we show people we care. McLaren did a lot of listening to Alice through emails and asking her questions. That's what created the safety in their relationship.

And as we listen to people's stories we're going to find places where their story intersects with our story. And that gives us the opportunity to share portions of our lives with them as well. In our four-week course that we call "Discovering Your Mission Life" we spend quite a bit of time thinking through and even writing down our stories paying particular attention to the places where we've seen God at work. And one of the most moving nights is when we share our stories with each other. It's a holy moment and often leaves us in awe at what God has done in our lives.

Chuck Swindoll once said, "The skeptic may deny your doctrine or attack your church, but he or she cannot honestly ignore the fact that your life has been changed by God."

But not only do we listen to their story and share our story, but in time we may have the chance to share God's story as well. And at the heart of God's story is the fact that God loves us and wants us to enjoy a relationship with him. He wants to be our friend. As we talked about last week, he wants us to have life and life to the full. And that life comes when we believe that Jesus is who he claimed to be, the son of God, and that he did what he claimed to do and that is die on the cross for everything that gets in the way of our friendship with God and rise again so that he is a living Savior and not a dead rabbi. Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved, you will really live! That's God's story. Sharing stories is a powerful part of spiritual friendships.

The relational factor. The narrative factor. And third is the communal factor. Spiritual friendship isn't just about you or about me acting in isolation. We're part of something much bigger, something the apostle Paul called "the body of Christ." And God wants to use your friends who know Christ to be a help to your friends who don't yet know him. Spiritual friends invite their friends to be around the community.

I love how McLaren puts it when he writes, "In a real way, Jesus is still here in the flesh, but now, instead of looking at the world through one pair of eyes, he sees through millions, and instead of touching and smiling and laughing and crying and welcoming and listening through two eyes and hands and ears, Jesus does so through one body composed of thousands and thousands of us. So one of the best things you can do for your friends who don't yet know and love Jesus is to introduce them to your other friends who do."

Jesus said that the most powerful witness we have is the love that we have for one another. Everyone will know that you are my disciples if you love one another. In 1 Corinthians 14:25 the apostle Paul said a similar thing when he wrote that when unbelievers see the Holy Spirit at work they will fall down and worship God, exclaiming, "God is really among you!"

Alice's spiritual journey took a wonderful turn when she started to experience community at McLaren's church and play her harp for a midweek gathering called "Intermission." It was then that she started to meet other believers and that was a significant part of her coming to Christ. Last week, I told you the story of Emilie and how she came to faith largely influenced by a group of others who were also discovering Christ.

This whole idea of belonging before believing is what has made the Alpha Course so effective around the world in helping people come to Christ. The sharing of a meal together week after week, the interaction over spiritual things, the friendships that are built are all part of what God uses to bring people to Jesus. The Sunnyside Coffee House is another environment like that, so are the events that we do from time to time like the Phillies game and concerts and ski trips and fishing trips and other fun things. They provide opportunities for us to introduce our friends who don't yet know and love Jesus to those who do. The community helps us reach our friends for Christ.

The relational factor. The narrative factor. The communal factor. And fourth, the journey factor. The journey factor is all about honoring the process that it takes for a person to move from unbelief to belief. Too much pressure applied too soon can abort the whole process. Unfortunately, for too long many of us have viewed evangelism as some high pressure sales job. But it's not and it was never meant to be. You never see that in the approach of Jesus.

For Emilie it took five months before she could say those words, "I believe! I believe!" For Alice it took two years for her to come to faith. For my father, who passed away this past April, it took until he was 76 years old to trust Christ alone for his eternal life. But even coming to faith in Christ is not the end of the journey. In many ways, it is just the beginning of an adventure, an odyssey that will never end.

Remember the three dynamics of a spiritual friendship? Be a safe person. Genuinely care for people. And be patient. One of the things we do while we're being patient is pray. One of the ways we genuinely care for people is to pray. Part of being a safe person is to pray. Prayer is a powerful and necessary part of this whole mysterious, supernatural process.

I love how the apostle Paul puts it in Colossians 4, Pray diligently. Stay alert, with your eyes wide open in gratitude. Don't forget to pray for us, that God will open doors for telling the mystery of Christ, even while I'm locked up in this jail. Pray that every time I open my mouth I'll be able to make Christ plain as day to them (The Message).

And so, before we turn to the Lord's Table, let's pray. Let's take a moment to pray for those spiritual friends that we have or that we would like to have. Let's pray that God would help us to be safe people, to really care, and to be patient. Let's pray that together we will encourage each other on this adventure of spiritual friendship and have the joy of seeing many of our friends and family members come to Christ.