Been There. Done That. Now What?


02/26/2006 - The Failure of Success



In his book The Paradox of Success John O'Neil tells this story. Being a prisoner of the office was only a figure of speech to me until the early morning phone call I received from the headquarters of a Fortune 500 corporation. “He's locked himself in the office and won't come out. It's been three days now!” confided the executive vice-president in a tight, frightened voice.

“He” was Morgan, the company's CEO, a man I had consulted with some years earlier. The office, reflecting all the power and privilege of its occupant, had a small apartment adjoining it, so Morgan could hold out there for a while. Food and mail were allowed in, but only curses came out in response to his staff.

“How do we get him out?” was the first question the desperate vice-president asked me. And the second, nearly as urgent was, “And how can we make sure no one hears about this?”

Although I was shocked by the extreme form of Morgan's breakdown, I wasn't really surprised that something had snapped. Over the years I had observed from a distance as this talented, hard-driving leader became consumed by his own success, so enamored by his own achievements that the very qualities that had taken him to the top were by now obscured or abandoned.

The symptoms showed up in his work and in his personal life. First, there was the obsessive reliance on quantitative reporting. “Numbers, that was all that counted,” recalled an employee. The problem was that the numbers were usually cooked or simply wrong. Top staff had come to realize that their survival depended on feeding Morgan a steady diet of good news. He ignored the counsel of honest friends and colleagues and eventually cut them out of the charmed circle.

The business world and the press had taken note of Morgan's rapid rise, and he relished the spotlight, the perks, and the company of other ultra successful people. As a result, he had sacrificed any truly rewarding private life. Family members were given small increments of “quality time,” which wasn't enough for them, or for him, to enjoy the benefits of intimacy. He had long since given up fishing trips with friends and golf as too time consuming. Solitude was a casualty too. Even spectator sports like football had become occasions not for relaxing with family and friends but for lavish corporate entertainment in a sealed-off super box.

The numbers finally did him in. When the good news stopped – when sales crashed in defiance of the rosy projections – so did Morgan. Even someone living in as much denial as he couldn't ignore the fact that he was a heart attack waiting to happen.

Morgan's dramatic behavior was unusual and extreme. Not many executives literally lock themselves in their offices. On the other hand, it provides the perfect metaphor for the trap in which many successful people find themselves. Their bodies may go home every night, but psychologically and spiritually they remain imprisoned by the roles they have worked so hard to construct.

They may feel exhausted, drained of the energy that propelled them so far, or suffer from unexplainable outbursts of anger or sarcasm. They may work themselves into illness or secretly engage in self-destructive behavior, abusing alcohol, drugs, their company's finances, or privileged information. Some develop an insatiable need for praise and affirmation. Some may feel fraudulent, undeserving of compliments and credits they have rightfully earned, others feel that the best, most creative part of themselves is mired in administrative quicksand … juggling financial statements, and stroking board members and key employees.

They may sense distance growing between themselves and old friends and family, between the image of who they would like to be and what they have become, yet feel powerless to do anything about it.

So a reservoir of secrets accumulates beneath the surface of their awareness … things they dislike about their work, their relationships, themselves … and when it gets full enough it spills over. They can no longer so easily shove it out of sight. They come to feel that they are living a lie. Like Morgan in his gilded cage, they are prisoners of the paradox of success.

King Solomon was a prisoner of the paradox of success. On the outside he had everything. He was the richest, wisest, most powerful man on the planet, the CEO of the world, the poster boy for success. Yet inside he was miserable, fearful, paranoid, and dissatisfied with his life and with all his accomplishments.

And he records some of those thoughts in chapter 4 of his journal. If you have your Bible please turn with me to Ecclesiastes 4. This morning we continue our series called Been There. Done That. Now What? with a teaching I've called the “The Failure of Success.”

This is a series that's taking us through the Old Testament book of Ecclesiastes, the diary of the great King Solomon. And in Ecclesiastes 4:1-3 he writes, Again I looked and saw all the oppression that was taking place under the sun: I saw the tears of the oppressed—and they have no comforter; power was on the side of their oppressors—and they have no comforter. 2And I declared that the dead, who had already died, are happier than the living, who are still alive. 3But better than both is the one who has not yet been, who has not seen the evil that is done under the sun.

Solomon looks out the window of his palace, penthouse suite in downtown Jerusalem and he can't help but notice the oppression that's taking place all around him. Life is not fair. He sees two classes of people the rich and the poor, the haves and the have not's, the oppressors and the oppressed. And he concludes that if life's so out of whack, perhaps its better not to be born than to live in this kind of world.

At times we have those same feelings too when we see horrible images of suffering on television or read about them in the news.

I've talked to couples who have made the decision not to have children because the world is so evil and unjust. Those of us who do have kids sometimes ask the same question, “What kind of world have we brought our kids into?” Its nuts!

Recently, Jennifer and I have had our eyes opened to the amount of oppression that takes place in homes in America and expresses itself in various forms of domestic violence and abuse. According to studies, nearly one out of three women experiences at least one physical assault by a partner during their adult life. And one out of every four women in a church community like Valley View is currently being abused by their partner or has experienced abuse at some time in the past. One out of four! And if you're in that situation you need to let us know so that we can show you how to get help. There is help available if you want it.

Sexual abuse among children in our country has become an epidemic. And if you ask any expert in the field it's not about the sex as much as it's about power and control.

I saw the tears of the oppressed—and they have no comforter; power was on the side of their oppressors—and they have no comforter. The world can be a very cruel and unjust place.

In verses 4-6, Solomon turns his eyes from the oppressed to the obsessed. Look at verse 4, And I saw that all labor and all achievement spring from one person's envy of another. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

Envy, jealously, greed that's what drives much of the success we see around us. “It's a dog eat dog world out there,” we say. But if envy of others is our only motive for getting ahead it will leave us empty. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

So how are we supposed to handle a competitive culture like ours? Go to the other extreme? Give up? Quit? Free load? Let others support us? Move to Montana? No. That's what fools do. Look at verse 5, Fools fold their hands and ruin themselves. 6Better one handful with tranquility than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind.

Solomon's conclusion is that when it comes to work we need to avoid both extremes and strike a balance. It's not good to be driven by envy, but it's not good to cave into apathy either. Instead, one hand full with contentment is better than two fists clawing and scratching and pulling their way to the top.

For a minute Solomon remembers his own counsel contained in Proverbs 15:16-17, Better a little with the fear of the Lord than great wealth with turmoil. 17Better a meal of vegetables where there is love than a fattened calf with hatred.

And Solomon knew something about fattened calves. First Kings 4 describes his daily menu which included mountains of bread and gallons of wine and hundreds of sheep and cattle, goats and deer, gazelles and roebucks, along with choice fowls that were butchered everyday to feed him, his wives, and his palace staff. The spread he put out everyday was bigger and better than the most lavish midnight buffet on any cruise ship. He knew what living large was all about.

And he knew something about turmoil too. After all, the guy did have 1,000 wives and 1,000 mother-in-laws too! And in his frustration he leaves the palace grounds and takes a walk down the street where the poor live and he looks into a window and sees a family saying grace and there are vegetables on the table and a fire in the fireplace and the kids are laughing and they're truly thankful. And he thinks, “You know, its better to eat a plateful of vegetables in a house where there is love, than a fatted ox back in my palace where there's nothing but strive and headaches.” Less is always more where there is contentment.

And then in verse seven he sees something else that is meaningless under the sun. He's sees Morgan, the CEO, locked up in his corporate office. Look at verse 7, Again I saw something meaningless under the sun: 8There was a man all alone; he had neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth. “For whom am I toiling,” he asked, “and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?” This too is meaningless—a miserable business!

In these verses Solomon addresses the workaholic with a warning that ought to be required reading for everyone who aspires to success. He addresses physicians whose practices are growing and attorneys whose clients and fees are increasing. He talks to sales reps and entrepreneurs and CEO's and pastor's whose businesses and churches are thriving. And he says watch out! Beware of the failure of success. It can leave you all alone.

In Diane Fassel's book on workaholism called Working Ourselves to Death, she quotes best-selling business author Tom Peters and Nancy Austin who write, “…the cost of excellence is the giving up of family vacations, Little League games, birthday dinners, evenings, weekends, lunch hours, gardening, reading, movies and most other pastimes. Quiet nights with family or friends will be distant memories. In many cases, the business superstar will go through a marriage or two on the way to the top because few spouses will be able to sympathize with or endure the kinds of sacrifices required to succeed. We are frequently asked if it is possible to ‘have it all,' a fully satisfying personal life and a fully satisfying hard working one. And our answer is no.”

No. Success at the cost of relationships will fail us every time. There was a man all alone. He had neither son nor brother. Workaholics may get to the top of the pyramid, but when they do often they find themselves alone. Because you know what's at the top of the pyramid? A point. And that doesn't leave much room for others.

Jesus put the warning this way in Luke 12:15, Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed. Life does not consist in the abundance of possessions. And then again in Mark 8:36, What good is it for you to gain the whole world, yet forfeit your soul?

Success at that price will fail us every time. And so Solomon offers us another way to live and that is in community with others. It's a way that prioritizes people, especially the most important people in our lives … our friends and our family.

Look at verse 9, Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: 10If they fall down, one can help the other up. But pity those who fall and have no friend to help them up! 11Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? 12Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

When I read that this week I thought of our wedding day because we had that passage read. But this is not just a passage for married couples. In fact, it doesn't even mention marriage. This is a reminder to all of us of the power of community and the importance of having friends in our lives. The driven workaholic has no time for people and because of that ends up alone.

But the wise man and the wise woman know when to push themselves away from the desk, turn off the computer, let the answering machine take the call so they can spend time with the ones they love. They know that the work will always be there and the demands on their time are endless. But they are not available 24/7. Somewhere along the line they have made a decision not to try and gain the whole world if it means losing themselves and losing those around them. And that decision gets tested almost every single day.

But they'd rather put time into a few relationships then end up miserable and alone. And the kinds of relationships they invest in are the ones described in this poem that I read this week.

Oh, the comfort – the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person,
Having neither to weigh thoughts,
Nor measure words – but pouring them
All right out – just as they are –
Chaff and grain together –
Certain that a faithful hand will
Take and sift them –
Keep what is worth keeping –
And with the breath of kindness
Blow the rest away.

Do you have a few people or even one person in your life like that? If you do, you are truly rich! Cultivate that relationship. Don't end up alone in life.

Solomon concludes this chapter with another warning about the failure of success. And the warning is that it doesn't last very long. Look at verse 13, Better a poor but wise youth than an old but foolish king who no longer knows how to take warning. 14The youth may have come from prison to the kingship, or he may have been born in poverty within his kingdom. 15I saw that all who lived and walked under the sun followed the youth, the king's successor. 16There was no end to all the people who were before them. But those who came later were not pleased with the successor. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

This is a tough passage to understand. The Message version helps a bit by rendering it this way. A poor youngster with some wisdom is better off than an old but foolish king who doesn't know which end is up. I saw a youth just like this start with nothing and go from rags to riches, and I saw everyone rally to the rule of this young successor to the king. Even so, the excitement died quickly, the throngs of people soon lost interest. Can't you see it's only smoke? And spitting into the wind?

Solomon must have been looking in the mirror when he wrote this. A poor wise youth, he says, is better off than an old foolish king, which is what Solomon had become. But even the success of a self-made man who goes from rags to riches is fleeting. The excitement dies quickly and all that's left is smoke. Success doesn't last very long.

This week eight meat packers from Lincoln, Nebraska, won the biggest lottery on record, the $365 million Powerball jackpot. And when they split up the lump sum payment, after taxes, they each took home $15.5 million. And all of us wish they were our friends, don't we? Or we wish that we held the winning ticket.

But according to an article I read this week, winning the lottery is not always the American dream. In fact, often it can turn out to be a nightmare. In the article, eight lottery winners were interviewed and this is what some of them had to say.

“Winning the lottery isn't all it's cracked up to be,” says Evelyn Adams, who won the New Jersey lottery not just once, but twice to the tune of $5.4 million. Today the money is all gone and Adams lives in a trailer.

“I won the American dream, but I lost it too. It was a very hard fall. It's called rock bottom. Everybody wanted my money. Everybody had their hand out. I never learned one simple word in the English language, ‘no.' I wish I had the chance to do it all over again. I'd be much smarter about it now.”

William “Bud” Post won $16.2 million in the Pennsylvania lottery in 1988 and now he lives on social security. “I wish it never happened. It was a total nightmare,” says Post. A former girlfriend sued him for a share of his winnings. A brother was arrested for hiring a hit man to kill him, hoping to inherit a share of the winnings. Other siblings pestered him until he agreed to invest in a car business and a restaurant in Sarasota, Florida, neither which brought him any money in return. Post even spent time in jail for firing a gun over the head of a bill collector. Within a year he was $1 million in debt. Now he lives quietly on $450 a month and food stamps.

Ken Proxmire was a machinist when he won $1 million in the Michigan lottery. He moved to California, went into the car business with his brothers and within five years was bankrupt.

Willie Hurt won $3.1 in the lottery and within two years was broke and charged with murder. His lawyer says he spent his fortune on a divorce and crack cocaine.

Janite Lee from Missouri won $18 million in 1993. She was generous with her money giving it away to political causes, and education, and community projects. But eight years later she filed for bankruptcy with only $700 dollars left in two bank accounts and no cash on hand.

What's up with all this? Solomon knew. Success is fleeting and sudden money often doesn't last. “For many people sudden money can cause disaster,” says Susan Bradley, founder of the Sudden Money Institute. “In our culture, there is a widely held belief that money solves problems. People think if they had more money, their problems would be over. But when a family receives sudden money, they frequently learn that money can cause just as many problems as it solves.” Beware of the sudden money. And beware of the failure of success.